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06 March 2010 @ 04:31 pm
20 | {narnia} a song never forgotten fails  
erasureathon is going on again! And here is my submission for this round :)

Title: a song never forgotten fails
Rating: G
Fandom (of original text): Chronicles of Narnia
Pairings/Characters: Peter and Edmund Pevensie
Word Count: 276
Summary: Narnia forgotten, Narnia remembered. An erasure for erasureathon

Disclaimer: I do not own the Chronicles of Narnia, nor do I own turkeyish's Le quattro stagioni, The Secret Places of the Sun, or Agnus Dei.


pulses march infinitely
taught well.
wild, heady moments caught in hair underneath a merciless sun.
he remembers the smell of his kingdom.
more magnificent than anything else he knows
loved too much

*
Edmund finds he cannot recall Morning
wide-eyed eagerness perched on siblings
in the end it turns out
magnificent

all Edmund really remembers is Narnia
the endless expanse enticing before his eyes
their towering acropolis the light of the dying day

their city to protect
bodies of their exertion follow

across shadowed something to see –
to see
Edmund climbs higher and higher
along white walls

bright eyes outstretched
slim strength surprises
her satin kiss unpleasant.
silver blades winking, a show.
words

she the exquisite
she toys with him
his brother says, “a trick”

his eyes adjust in the darkness to find her
her lips finely arched
raven-coloured hair
sharp eyes

he knows that the men, women, and children
are motionless
she gives him a smile

a horn sounds in the distance
sounds again smooth, rolling on and on and on

the sun surfaces, blinding
the dawn, he says
Her eyes are dark
like liquefied sweets

memory slips quietly from his mind
he could never forget that

*
Peter
we’re all safe and together
he contemplates black
the unpredictable patterns trace fingertips

he built stratagems
They found themselves
there
the Magnificent
feeling devising testing battle

gold roars
the country, weeping, will continue longer than anyone

Narnia on the pavement
Cair Paravel
home twists

eternity
something unnamable inside

Peter sits, rapt
eyes dark shadows
devouring the honeyed wine, heavy
stamped in gold upon the crimson
he makes himself his own

gold roars bright
drowning, still silent
 
 
mood: artistic
music: Regina Spektor - Us | Powered by Last.fm
 
 
 
lizzie_marie_23: Bloody Spocklizzie_marie_23 on March 7th, 2010 12:58 am (UTC)
This is lovely, and also really sad. It seems to me that it's all about loving too much and also trying to forget. The repetition of "Magnificent" is really cool, especially how it's meaning changes throughout it. And then Edmund remembers Narnia and tries to climb higher and higher to see more of it. And the female character - I'm not sure if it's supposed to be Susan or Jadis - is so beautiful and creepy at the same time. And then Peter 'makes himself his own' but he's still drowning.

Favorite lines:
her satin kiss unpleasant.

memory slips quietly from his mind
he could never forget that

Oh I love that, how paradoxical it is, but somehow that contradiction seems really appropriate.

eternity
something unnamable inside

This is amazing, like eternity is something that exists inside of you.

I just think this entire erasure is so great.
凯茜kathy~☆: Katara [just your average girl]katakokk on March 8th, 2010 02:10 am (UTC)
It seems to me that it's all about loving too much and also trying to forget.

It is, it is! I'm glad that it seems like that to you, that's what I was trying to get across.

The female character - I see how it could be Susan (in fact, turkeyish has fic where Edmund mistakes Jadis for Susan), but it's meant to be Jadis.

Thank you so much! ♥ I'm glad you like it :D
lizzie_marie_23: Lemony Snicketlizzie_marie_23 on March 8th, 2010 03:43 am (UTC)
in fact, [info]turkeyish has fic where Edmund mistakes Jadis for Susan Link Please?
凯茜kathy~☆: Merlin [the hat makes me a fool]katakokk on March 8th, 2010 04:37 am (UTC)
Right here.
A burning tyger (is on fire): Up Narnia and the North!hungrytiger11 on March 7th, 2010 01:52 am (UTC)
Oh.... I love this. Narnia seems to perpetually break the Pensvies' hearts, but here you catch not only that aspect but the biggest aspect of the books- the feeling that Narnia/eternity/faith goes on inside of them. The country continues without its rulers and the rulers continue without the country and yet both are changed by one another.

Favorites:
gold roars
the country, weeping, will continue longer than anyone


and

he makes himself his own

gold roars bright
drowning, still silent


The repitition of the "gold roars" is beautiful and highlights those bookended themes of carrying on.

凯茜kathy~☆: Susan & Peter [we'll make it]katakokk on March 8th, 2010 02:08 am (UTC)
It does, it does! It breaks them so many times over, and they have to put themselves and each other back together, and the fact that they can't just breaks my heart, and gah! I love this fandom so much. They go on, but they're not the same, and they manage to survive without each other...but it's not quite right.

Thank you! I love repetition so much, and poetry just provides me with so many opportunities to indulge into it (also, turkeyish's excellent writing :D)
smakn: cloudsmakn on March 7th, 2010 06:05 pm (UTC)
>.< Lovely. I just like the light and dark imagery, but I refuse to delve deeper than that because my english oral commentaries are over and I REFUSE TO ANALYZE RIGHT NOW.

Anyways, it's pretty and really expresses their emotions and I will stop before I mention diction.
凯茜kathy~☆: Edmund [you think you can fool me?]katakokk on March 8th, 2010 02:06 am (UTC)
Hahahaha, thank you so much! ♥ And it's alright, I know how it feels to be analyzed out. :)
Turkish [Delight]: glee - puck and rachelturkeyish on March 13th, 2010 01:03 am (UTC)
*happy sigh* oh, bb. i'm sorry it took so long for me to respond to this (but real life has been beating. me. down.), and i'm totally going to need to come back and type a proper comment, but oh! i just wanted to say that this is more gorgeous and more eerie and more sorrowful than anything i could ever hope to write. thank you so much for this, it's amazing. :) i love the way you put words together - it's not even you erasing me, but just you being faaantastic at painting a wonderfully and utterly perfect (in its brokenness) picture.

again, thanks so much! ILU, BB.
凯茜kathy~☆: Morgana [secrets are very fun]katakokk on March 13th, 2010 03:10 am (UTC)
*blushes* Take some credit, bb! If you didn't have so many wonderful, wonderful phrases for me to snatch up and use for this, this wouldn't be the way it is now! Your writing is really, really lovely, you can carry a narrative nicely and still have all this gorgeous description. ♥

Also, I totally understand about RL. ♥ *hugs*
lindarosslindaross on November 24th, 2012 09:11 am (UTC)
that's what I was trying to get across