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13 August 2009 @ 01:20 pm
16 | {naruto} To Break The Status Quo  
This is an erasure for erasureathon.

Title: To Break the Status Quo
Rating: G
Fandom (of original text): Naruto
Pairings/Characters: N/A
Word Count: 116
Summary: An erasure for erasureathon.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor do I own hungrytiger11's The World, Made by Hand.


The world is poetic, overdramatic, picture perfect.
Notice the flaws in the image.
She, the Perfect Lady, hungered for worth,
but nothing blooms.
She wants to know why,
couldn’t see all there was.

She tries more, unscathed.
Failure.
No great lady.
It doesn’t matter.
Always fail, but keep going.

Just when she thinks too much and she’s screaming, something begins to grow.
A weed.
There it is: a distorted echo in her brain.
All her effort added up.

She should try more,
so she does.
Trying hard, digging deeper.
Work embraces her, and she it.
She loves and hates it.

When it is over, she is too happy.
By a failure,
the status quo is broken.
 
 
mood: artistic
music: Goo Goo Dolls - Name | Powered by Last.fm
 
 
 
A burning tyger (is on fire): amazing hinatahungrytiger11 on August 13th, 2009 11:07 pm (UTC)
Wow. No other words for that.

It is so cool to see something with echos of what I wrote in an entirely new form, a new thing so pretty in and of itself.

So. Just- wow.
凯茜kathy~☆: Merlin [the hat makes me a fool]katakokk on August 14th, 2009 12:43 am (UTC)
I'm glad you like it! I was very nervous about it. :)
is pretty fucking ninja: Pretty: Umbrellacaramelsilver on August 14th, 2009 03:41 pm (UTC)
This is so wonderful! I'm in awe. (And slightly jealous, yours is so much better than mine!)

Favorite lines:

There it is: a distorted echo in her brain.

The world is poetic, overdramatic, picture perfect.
Notice the flaws in the image.

The ending stanza is beautiful. Well done, Kathy!
凯茜kathy~☆: Lucy [now the crown upon my head]katakokk on August 14th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC)
Aww, thank you! (And no way, yours was awesome. However, I seem to have forgotten to comment on it. *runs off*)

I'm glad you liked it. :D
always halfway to somewhere: Narnia: Edmund: non semper aestasbe_themoon on August 16th, 2009 10:22 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is pretty! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get here. D: But seriously, it's very pretty! It's much more of a story than mine is, and I love that line "Notice the flaws in the image" because *chills* eee. And the weed being a distorted echo of her brain! Very nicely done, and the story that comes across to me is very dark and chilly and quite interesting.

(You know what would be fun? Some sort of thing where you did an erasure, and then someone was given your erasure, without knowledge of the original source, and told to make a story out of it. Uh. Off topic now.)

I liked it! Wonderful work. <333
凯茜kathy~☆: Kahlan & Renn & Richard [we are family]katakokk on August 17th, 2009 12:08 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you like it! :D Well, thankfully, it's coherent. My first draft was...a bunch of disjointed phrases. *hides* Chills? Really? *is flattered*

(That would be REALLY AWESOME. Um, but what would you call it? A de-erasure?)

Thanks so much! ♥
~*SASSQUATCH*~: macchu picchuzempasuchil on August 18th, 2009 06:42 am (UTC)
This paints such a fantastic picture - the first stanza alone is like a microcosm. The first two lines are possibly my favorites. With the picture-perfect world, yet the image has flaws - are these flaws perfection or is it the image of the perfect world that is flawed? These are both really cool options to think about. The hungers for worth and nothing blooms are really powerful and my gut aches; I can't stop re-reading that, it's really resonant.

I love the planting and flower imagery you really bring out here - flowering, a weed growing, and digging. And she transforms by the end! into something happy through a trial, from a perfect world with discontent to a hard world of work where she is too happy. (hmmmmm, too happy! that is thought-provoking). I like this a lot a lot :D
凯茜kathy~☆: Morgana [secrets are very fun]katakokk on August 18th, 2009 02:37 pm (UTC)
Awww, I'm so glad you like it! :) As for the picture perfect world, it's more that some people have the perception that the world is perfect (when they're on top of the world, etc.), but really it's a messed up, screwed up place (because while recent Naruto manga chapters are crap, mostly, the manga-ka occasionally brings up really ethical stuff where there's a lot of gray areas).

Haha, the flower imagery owes itself to the fact that there is mention of flowers in the original text, or it never would have happened. :\ And, yeah, the too happy. :D I'm glad you picked up on that!

Thanks so much for reading and for setting up the whole comm! ♥
~*SASSQUATCH*~zempasuchil on August 18th, 2009 10:35 pm (UTC)
I like that! I don't know anything about Naruto, at first I thought it was just a silly cartoon but my brother says it gets pretty cool. It sounds neat - I am so for anything that examines grey areas.

I did see the flower imagery in the original - I just really really like how you integrated it! It's not overwhelming but it's still there and effective and that is super awesome.

lol, thank YOU for participating! anyway, this was all just a plot to convert people to erasure poetry and get more erasures for my reading pleasure ;D
凯茜kathy~☆: Camelot OT4 [we're here to fix things]katakokk on August 18th, 2009 11:21 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, my brother was the one who recced it to me as well. :) Most of the time it isn't especially serious, but the couple chapters that were really ethical were very nice.

Oh, thank you! I loved the way the flower represented what I was trying to get across in my poem perfectly, so I had to include it. :D

Haha, no problem, I had fun doing it! This should be annual.
~*SASSQUATCH*~zempasuchil on August 18th, 2009 11:26 pm (UTC)
Annual? I could TOTALLY get into that. What a great idea! It should definitely be done again, it seems like people are really having fun and doing amazing things and I bet we could get more people interested.
凯茜kathy~☆: Ravenclaw [pwned]katakokk on August 18th, 2009 11:30 pm (UTC)
Oh, I know, if we could establish ourselves as doing a yearly thing, people would definitely get more interested. And if we plugged it all the time on our journals....
~*SASSQUATCH*~zempasuchil on August 19th, 2009 12:15 am (UTC)
Plugging things makes me feel obnoxious but yes, oh yes, I am determined to do this again and bigger next year :D
凯茜kathy~☆: Morgana [secrets are very fun]katakokk on August 19th, 2009 12:57 am (UTC)
It makes me feel obnoxious too, but I'm growing immune to the feeling obnoxious. I think I've just lost my shame over the years (mostly). XD